Who Would Win: Brando v Pitt ‘Fifty Shades of Grey’ Audition (Single Page)

Who Would Win: Brando v Pitt ‘Fifty Shades of Grey’ Audition (Single Page)


Jamie Dornan

We’ve got a problem. Jamie Dornan, the lead actor of the Fifty Shades of Grey series, has decided that playing Christian Grey is beneath him. He’d rather move on to deeper roles that demand more of an “emotional range.”

Okay, diehard Fifty Shades fans, this didn’t really happen so don’t get your S&M panties in a bunch. Jamie Dornan is still living large as Christian Grey, but we’re going to play with the idea that Dornan dropped out because we’d like to pit a couple of Hollywood legends against each other.

In this installment of Who Would WinBrad Pitt is up against Marlon Brando for the role of Christian Grey in the Fifty Shades of Grey series.

Let’s see Who Would Win!

Round 1: Star Power

Both Marlon Brando and Brad Pitt have a considerable star power. What do we mean by star power? We mean that special “It” factor that makes them Hollywood legends.

Marlon Brando had quite a reputation as a bad boy, but honestly, that’s kind of a good thing in Hollywood. Plus, his talent is undeniable. With films like The GodfatherOn the Waterfront and A Streetcar Named Desire (and two Oscars under his belt) he’s often considered one of the greatest actors of all time.

On the other hand, Brad Pitt is the epitome of the Hollywood A-list. He doesn’t  have any Oscars for acting but he’s still one of the biggest box office draws in Tinseltown.

This is a close call, but we’re giving the first round to…

Point: Marlon Brando

Round 2: Look

As much as we’d love to pretend Hollywood casts purely based on talent rather than look, that’s simply not the case, especially when it comes to casting characters who were already thoroughly described in the source material.

In the books, Christian Grey is described as tall, lean but muscular, broad-shouldered–pretty much the epitome of novel sexiness. He’s also got some dark copper hair and gray eyes to top it off.

Hair can always be colored and tinted contact lenses worn, but physical stature is hard to fake. Here, Brad Pitt has Marlon Brando beat. Brad Pitt stands fairly tall at 5’11” while Marlon Brando is a couple inches shorter at 5’9″. Pitt is also no stranger to working on the lean physique, while Brando tended to be a bit stockier.


Point: Brad Pitt

Round 3: Best Known Role

Marlon Brando screaming “Stellaaaaaaa!” in A Streetcar Named Desire is legendary.

Brad Pitt’s abs as the imaginary Tyler Durden in Fight Club are right up there as well.


Point: Marlon Brando

Round 4: Easiest to Work With

Professional actors can make or break a production. If you’re going to set production back even a day by not showing up, you could end up costing thousands extra from delays.

Marlon Brando was notoriously difficult to work with. He often didn’t bother to memorize his lines and would instead write them on paper and place them just off camera. He supposedly also had the nasty habit of completely ignoring directors’ wishes, but hey, it got him results.

Brad Pitt, on the other hand, doesn’t seem to have any complaints against him, and he’s worked with directors like Steve McQueen, Quentin Tarantino and David Fincher.

Point: Brad Pitt

Round 5: Chemistry with Dakota Johnson

If you’re going to have a movie as steamy as Fifty Shades of Grey, there better be some pretty sexy chemistry going on between the lead characters. Can you imagine if two actors didn’t have any chemistry? Talk about Fifty Shades of Awkward.

As Anastasia Steele, Dakota Johnson clearly has more submissive tendencies, which might make Marlon Brando a perfect match. He’s got that bad boy vibe and seems like a man who knows how to take charge.

Brad Pitt, on the other hand, is practically prettier than Dakota. That might not serve too well for the whole S&M thing.

Point: Marlon Brando

Round 6: Kinkiest Actor

Going hand in hand with our previous round, which actor would be the most comfortable with all the bondage madness that needs to take place in Fifty Shades of Grey?

Marlon Brando doesn’t seem like he’d be opposed to some experimentation. In fact, in some tapes of the actor talking, which were edited into a film by Stevan Riley, Brando gets crazy candid about his sex life. He claims his sex drive was so unbelievably high that it made him like a “beast” who needed women around all the time, “coming in the door, going out the window.”

We were thinking at first that Brad Pitt would win this round because of his marriage to Angelina Jolie (you know she gets freaky), but hearing about Brando’s voracious appetite for lovin’…

Point: Marlon Brando

Who Would Win?

Based on our scorecard the role of Christian Grey goes to…Marlon Brando!

Brando 4, Pitt 2
Winner: Brando!brando-lip

‘Fifty Shades Darker’ hits theaters on Valentines day 2017!